Q)  Where are you from?

A)  I was born and raised in Philadelphia, Pa., and consider myself an “east coast” guy, but I’ve lived in California for so long that I own a surfboard and occasionally even use the term “dude.”

Q)  Which one is your favorite painting?

A)  The one I’m working on right now.

Q)  Are prints available for your paintings?

A)  Yes, they are. Many of them are available as limited edition prints using state of the art archival inks, stretched on canvas.

Q)  Do you do voices on SpongeBob Squarepants?

A)  Yes. I’ve done many voices on SpongeBob: Flats, the flounder, Reg, the bouncer at The Salty Spitoon, Patrick’s real dad and fake dad, the Tattletale Strangler, and Victor, the bane of every bubble blowing baby in the bar, among others.

Q)  Any other cartoons?

A)  Lots. I take great pride in my life-threatening fist fights with both Batman and Superman. And a whole lot of other cartoons. I’m too lazy to list them.

Q)  Too Lazy? What kind of website is this?

A)  Uh…what?

Q)  How did you “get your start” in acting?

A)  As a teenager, I acted in high school, and then in summer stock Shakespeare plays, and experimental theatre. When I lived in New York, and jobs as an actor were scarce, I put together a stand up comedy act and began getting stage time at east coast comedy clubs. I moved to L.A. and became a regular at The Comedy Store and The Improv, and before long was acting in commercials and T.V. shows. In 1985 I was cast in Back To The Future, and was a pop-cultural icon before I knew it.

Q)  Was that your big break?

A)  Well, actually, before that I was featured in the commercial that introduced biscuits at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I played a construction worker. Basically, without me there wouldn’t be biscuits at Kentucky Fried Chicken. You’re welcome.

Q)  Which movie is your favorite?

A)  It was a lot of fun to act in a big western like Back To The Future III, where I got to ride horses and learn to rope and quick draw a gun, but I was very pleased and proud to act in the movie Andersonville, since it’s a part of my family’s history, and it meant a lot to my Dad.

Q)  Why don’t you send out autographed pictures anymore?

A)  The internet has done many things for humanity, but it’s also created large databases where people download lists of “nice celebrities” who’ll send you an autograph if you ask them. I’ve done thousands of them, for many, many years, but the numbers of requests have become a mountain that I can no longer climb. I don’t have a large staff to take care of them, and I don’t want to be phony and send off fake signatures, so I’ve had to stop. Sorry.

Q)  You don’t sign anything anymore?

A)  I sign original paintings, prints, and the “Pit Bull” poster.

Q)  That’s it?!

A)  Look, if a kid comes up to me with a piece of paper, of course I sign it. I just can’t keep throwing stamped manila envelopes into the maw of the pop cultural beast.

Q)  Are you the guy that does the comic “Ziggy”?

A)  No. It seems that there are two, only two “Tom Wilsons” in the country. I am one of them. The cartoonist who draws the “Ziggy” comic is the other. I have received many, many requests for autographs from people who just love Ziggy, and who’ve sent me books, mugs, notecards and comics ripped out of the paper to sign. Well, for a long time I signed every one, filling the country with Ziggy comics autographed by me. But I don’t even do that anymore.

Q)  You signed lots of Ziggy material and sent it back to unsuspecting people?

A)  Yes.

Q)  And you found that funny?

A)  Yes.

Q)  What?

A)  No. I mean…I meant to say no. I didn’t…I was trying to help…What are you doing?

Q)  Just looking for stuff.

A)  That’s my desk. Please close the drawer.

Q)  Whatever. Have you signed other fake autographs?

A)  I’ve signed two autographs as Troy Aikman, both in the Dallas airport, for people who wouldn’t believe I wasn’t him.

Q)  Any other “celebrity look-alikes”?

A)  No. Most people look at me and say “Hey, you look like that dude in Back In The Future! What was his name…Butt?” And I say “Biff,” and they say “Right! Biff!” and I say “I am the guy,” and they say “No, you’re not.”

Q)  Why do you have an F.A.Q. section?

A)  You know, I don’t really know. All the big, jazzy websites have one, so, you know, I thought, just to fit in…

Q)  Just to fit in? If the other big, jazzy websites jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge?

A)  …hmmphhh

Q)  Are you listening to me?

A)  Yes, I’m listening to you. Chill out.

Q)  If the other big, jazzy websites jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge?

A)  No.

Q)  Alright then. Hey, will you sign this “Ziggy” mug for me?

A)  No.

Q)  Oh, okay. Well, Mister “I don’t sign things”

A)  Close that drawer.

Q)  You’re not the boss of me-

(a brief scuffle ensues)

Q)  Ow! You hurt my arm!

A)  Any other questions?

Q)  If I punched you really hard in the face, like Crispin Glover-


Q)  Would you spin around and fall to the ground, unconscious?

A)  No.

Q)  I’ll be going then.

A)  Thanks.